The name of this blog is abhorrent. What was I thinking? Who was the person who was looking to rhyme so badly that she reached to these depths? Its hard to know. Well it seems this same person just does not have the tech savvy to undue this embarrassment but it is a fitting punishment, having to live with this name eternally. So that those thousands of people that are sure to read this blog can hold me in eternal judgement as they should.
The sabbatical has been approved after some paperwork snafu that I tried gallantly with the help of my tech savvy son to straighten out from the jungles of Costa Rica resulted in a denial. However minimal perseverance eventually turned that denial into an approval. I was having second thoughts to say the least. A year on my own. To do what exactly? I made lists and really still felt like I would be filling time, trying to make the day pass. Sounded tedious at best. I like being purposeful, I like getting dressed in the morning and getting shit done. My identity for longer than even being a mom has definitely been a hard worker. The world is crashing around me, I still had to go to work, emotional breakdown well still gotta go to work, bad news? good news? exhaustion? work. The answer was work. Predictable , stable always there even if unlikeable. Like a bad boyfriend. Its what you know. A comfort.
I often feel I have to justify my existence. Not that I have been actually asked to, no one ever has said "what do you bring to the table, mom? " no never happened. What does anyone bring to the table, well actually my husband does bring a lot to the table, its kind of exhausting actually. I don't even want to stop at the grocery store. He'll go at 10PM because he doesn't want the kids to not have eggos the next morning. I think it maybe good for them not to have the damn eggos or perhaps learn to purchase eggos on their own. So I don't see that changing. What I am hoping to change is my fear of creativity. In whatever form . Obviously writing will be one front I attack. Another will be upping my commitment to my Teachers Pay Teachers store.
I have 9 days left of work and for now I am tired. Like really tired. So creativity will be of low energy variety which I think will work. Lynn as an independent adult
